Getting Real & My Heart's Song

With each passing day I would come to a deeper feeling of urgency that I need to 'figure everything out'. When I had a great class at school about the amazing revelation of the love of God, his joy being unlocked in us, how to evangelize with a kingdom mindset, how to steward the presence of God, or how to move in the prophetic can be a bit overwhelming. I would go home with my head feeling so full of knowledge and my heart experiencing new revelations that I felt I had just taken part in a hot dog eating contest. You sit down at the table, knowing that there is an unlimited pile of hot dog wieners available to you, and all you need to do is tuck in your bib and dig in. You first have a couple of drinks of worship, to smooth your throat so the meat can slide down more easily and to give you time to prepare your mind and system for what's about to hit. Then after your appetite has been whetted and your mind is focused on your objective, you pull your chair in closer and let the cramming begin.
With each passing day I would come to a deeper craving of God's love and it's application in my life. As I mentioned before I had been trying to figure everything out. Where I fit into Bethel's 1000 piece puzzle, where I fit into God's master plan, where I fit in my intimacy with God as my Daddy, and where I fit all this precious revelation in my heart and spirit that I have been receiving daily. After many days of wondering, a couple days of pouting that Britton bottom lip, and other days racking my brain for 'what to do' I had barely taken notice to the tugging on my heart. God's gentle wooing and desire for me that was whispering liquid love to my spirit. I didn't really notice that it was there until it began to pour out into my mind and heart. As I had been digging myself a 'what the heck do I do now' hole, God was demonstrating his grace for me to have his love poured continually into my spirit, by letting his water flow down into the lowest places, my lowest places. He wanted to overtake all my worries of missing him, not being in his will or not getting what I came for. Through this experience of his love 'flowing', God revealed to me a fear that I had hidden in my heart that I needed to let go of before I could fully be able to pursue him purely as my lover; it was the fear of me disappointing my church family back home. Please know that they have never put this on me at all, that this fear was something I  unconsciously put on myself because I wanted to make them all see that they invested into something worth while. Me. This fear in my heart was totally unjustified, since my church family sent me here with such love and blessing that I can still see God's heart in all their smiling faces! It is such a lie that I would ever have to perform or pray well for them...for they love me and bless me out of their love for me, not their expectation for perfection! After I surrendered this fear, I am now able to go after God with pure motives to seek out intimacy and relationship with him, not to try and stock up on as many gifts as I can to put on a show when I go home. I would rather go home with my heart so deeply in him that I can bless those around me by simply loving them and being my God's little princess self and demonstrating pure relationship to them rather then giving a couple prophetic words and praying a profound prayer I heard Kris Vallotton give that I read off my arm as their heads are bowed, then leave the church to return  to 'life as  we know it'.
God showed me how he loves for me to just rest in him and know that he knows where I 'fit' in everything. As I get deeper and deeper into him and allow him to speak to my spirit, I get more and more revelation of what I had been searching for in my own places. Now I know that my puzzle piece is the colorful, loved, center piece that God hand painted with my unique spirit revealed all over it! I know that God's master plan has me strategically created for what I am called to do. If I was created as a peach, why would I ever have to strive to become a peach?  Even as a seed the qualities of me being a peach are present. The seed may still be developing its traits and needs some time to grow, but before long it becomes a whole juicy peach. Not half a peach, not a bruised peach, but a peach that knows it's identity as being princess peach. A delicious and matured fruit from the well tended seed. I know that no matter how overwhelmed my head feels after hearing 3 different, anointed speakers within 5 hours, my spirit is able to obtain so much more of it then my brain could possibly dream to remember, and when I get into my intimacy time with Daddy God he can release all the revelations from my spirit into my heart. Oh our God is amazing! He never fails, never stops loving us and never stops putting blessings and joy in our paths! It's no wonder that My Heart's Song is crazy about and focused on Him! Thank You Jesus!